Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The High Crimes of Stephenie Meyer

There are three offenses for which I will never forgive Stephenie Meyer. I like to consider myself a tolerant, understanding person. But everybody has limits.

Crime #1: Spelling her name wrong.

I'm a big fan of the name Stephanie, in general. It means "crown" in the Greek and I've known a lot of cool Stephanies in my day. But when that a becomes an e the name looks it should be pronounced Stephen E. Meyer. When I'm particularly mad at her, which happens at times while reading Twilight (see below), to vent my frustrations I take particular joy in calling the author Steve.

Now some may argue this is more the fault of Meyer's parents, but even though Stephenie didn't choose to spell her name wrong, she chose not to correct the obvious error and as such she is rendered complicit in this heinous crime.

Crime #2: Having Bella Google "Vampires."

This entire chapter would be utterly awful, if it weren't Bella's eventual double-take, when she realizes she must be crazy for thinking Jacob might have been serious, but it's still an unforgivable and cheap tactic to have Bella surf the web for answers. Seriously? You couldn't think up a better way to convey some information to us, the readers, then to have Bella read it off a computer screen while we watch over her shoulder?

Crime #3: The following sentence.
Edward had scooped me up in his arms, as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and ten.
Two things, Steve. 1.) This sentence is much stronger if it ends after "ten pounds" because if one is to maintain the theme of Bella as a self-conscious everywoman, it only makes sense for her to be so self-conscious that she's willing to think concretely about her weight, if she leaves those three terrifying numbers unsaid. 2.) Bella only weighs 110 pounds? Really? I'm not expert on the anatomy of 17 year-old girls, but 110 seems awfully light. I seem to recall her being described as five-foot-four--though I don't remember exactly--and that is definitely significantly underweight for a young woman of that height. Source 1 Source 2

That's also a poorly placed comma. Just saying.


  1. Oh my I do agree 110 pounds is an awful weight to have Bella be but really did you have to write in twiiter #robpattinsonhashorriblehair????

    Come on Josh, admit it! You like his hair lol :)

    Good blog again - I look forward to your next :)

  2. I could no longer read Mary Higgins Clark due to sentences like this. All of her main characters were 5'7 and weighed "a trim 120 lbs." I am 5'7. I do not weigh a trim 120 lbs.

    It annoyed me not only because it was unrealistic, but also because it was just plan sloppy writing. She should have instead just alluded to the fact that the character purged after each meal.